It's Everyone's Halloween

We are all familiar with the challenges our children face at Halloween.  Here is a great reminder to share with others to make them more aware.

Worry Eaters

A range of stuffed animal characters who like nothing more than feasting on children's worries or nightmares.... um yes please!  My first thought when I saw this product was 'Genius! Why didn't I think of that!'  My second thought, 'How perfect would this be for Thomas and other children suffering from anxiety.' I bought one immediately.

Thomas loved the silly looking thing, but was a little hesitant to say his fear out loud, unzip the worry eater and put the paper inside his mouth, but once he got over the initial hesitation, he thought it was hilarious.  We have had our worry eater for about 8 months now and I have to say, he has eaten his share of worries and I have learned a lot!  It has helped me understand more of his specific worries, since I help him write them down.  It has also helped him feel like his worry has been understood by me and sometimes he is even willing to have a discussion about it.  Of course, it is not going to always "cure" the worry, but it can help children to feel the worry has been acknowledged and given to someone else to worry about- kind of like a waste bin for your problems!

We usually go on with life and forget about the worry eater for a while. Yesterday when we were playing with some of his stuffed animals together, I noticed there was a paper in there.  We pulled it out and it was from the beginning of September.  It read, 'I am afraid to play soccer.'

"Mom I'm not afraid to play soccer now.  I love it!"  Thomas said loudly.  He couldn't believe that he was so scared in the beginning of the season.  It led to a discussion about how trying new things can be scary, but overtime you may realize that it is something you like, yada, yada, yada.  You get the point.  Some critics think it encourages children to dwell on their anxieties, but I disagree.  I feel that it empowers children to say their worries out loud and in a way tell the worry that 'You are not going to have control over me.'

Thomas brought his to show-n-tell last last school year and the teacher came up to me after school to tell me that it was a HUGE hit with the kids.  The next day two parents approached me to say their child was telling them all about Thomas's worry eater too.  We often forget that children have worries just like adults and this little monster has not only been a fun toy for Thomas, but also a great coping tool.

After School Meltdowns

As I have mentioned before, picking up Thomas at the end of the school day is not always a pleasant experience.  I am often greeted by a frown and whining right out of the gate.  The moment we are out of sight and earshot of other people, the meltdowns start.  Every little thing becomes a big ordeal and he is easily irritated by his little brother, who takes complete advantage of this.  Last year I contacted his teacher about his after school meltdowns to see if there was something going on at school that was bothering him or that he was having trouble with during the day.  She informed me that she could not think of anything that would cause this and in fact "he had been very happy and pleasant" that week.

My thoughts have always been that he is probably trying so hard to hold it together during the day, as he struggles to adapt to sensory challenges like loud noises, bright lights and other things that cause overstimulation for him in the classroom.  Plus the fact that certain situations are still scary to him with his selective mutism. He is probably working harder than anyone to get through his day, so although it is frustrating, I understand why it is probably happening.  They are going to save their meltdowns for the people they love and trust the most.  As his mom, he knows that he can be himself and trust that I will love him no matter what.

I recently stumbled upon this article, which gives some great tips for coping with after school meltdowns if you are experiencing the same thing with your child/children.

How to Cope With After-School Meltdowns

Food Box Grid

I have gotten several questions regarding (for lack of a better word) the food box grid that we have been using with great success for Liam's food sensitivities.  (October 11th blog post)  It is such a simple thing, yet it would have never occured to me to do this on mine own if the OT hadn't shown it to me.  He doesn't have severe eating issues in regards to textures, but it did get to the point where he was gagging and throwing up at almost every dinner with his meat and other soft textures, so we are giving it a try.  This might not work for a lot of people, but I thought it was worth sharing as an option to try.

I take a piece of construction paper and draw 8 boxes (four on each side) then start at the bottom squares with non-preferred food.  In this picture, it's chicken.  Then a preferred food- peppers.  Yes, my three year old gags on pizza, chicken nuggets and grilled cheese, but loves peppers :)  I always make sure the food is in small bite size pieces, which he doesn better with.  We start at the bottom with the first column.  If he eats a piece of chicken, he gets a pepper.  We repeat and refill the squares until he no longer wants to do it.  He is pretty good about not trying to go right for the pepper, but we definitely have to sit with him to make sure this doesn't happen.  Dinner takes a lot longer this way, but he is eating it.   I think part of it is the fact that it is not a large quantity of chicken at one time like it would be on a plate.  Maybe that visual is too overwhelming to him.  This way he only gets four small bites of a non-preferred food at a time.  My plan is to laminate a few charts, so I don't have to keep creating new ones each night.  I'd love to hear if it helps your child.  Send me a message through the "Contact Me" box and let me know!

Scary Chart

I am not sure if I posted about this in the past, but we use a "Scary Chart" with Thomas to help him give words to his feelings and to acknowledge them.  We used to use this chart several times a day, and it was part of our bedtime routine every night, but now we just use it as needed.   It has been a very powerful tool for Thomas that helps him have control over his feelings.

When Thomas would play one of our cognitive behavioral therapy (cbt) games, interact with a peer, wave, be asked a question by a stranger, or basically any other interaction,  we would ask him in private how it felt on his scary chart and explain each feeling to him.... Not scary, a little scary, scary or super scary.  He would either point to the one or verbally tell me.  Then I'd ask him how we could work together to make it less scary next time.  A lot of times he would just say "I don't know," but as he got older he would sometimes give suggestions.

The scary chart is kept in his room now and is a tool we still use with him.  As you can see from the picture, it is much loved!  Even the page protector is a mess :)  He has always been willing to do his "Scary chart" and will sometimes request it.  I think it really helps him have control over his feelings.

Coming full circle

Thomas had off of school today for a teacher-in-service day, so he had to come with me to drop of his brother Liam at preschool.  Liam now goes to the same preschool that Thomas used to go to.  The same place where we discovered Thomas had selective mutism, the same place where he struggled immensly and had some of his most difficult days.  The school is great and we love the staff, which is why Liam goes there now; however going in there still reminds me of those two very tough years when we were struggling to understand what was going on with Thomas and watching him have so much trouble in preschool.  The two years Thomas was at this preschool were our hardest years to date, as we began our SM treatment and had so many questions.  Thomas had not been there since his last day of preschool when we got his "awesome" memory book, (See June 18, 2014 post) so I was really nervous, but excited to bring him back there.

Thomas was excited to go.  He was so young that luckily he doesn't remember much of his time there.  We talked about the questions he might get asked by the director and his old teachers so that he would be prepared.  I wasn't sure what to expect, as he had never really talked inside those walls and he would be getting a lot of attention today.  When we walked in this morning, we were immediately greeted by the director who was so excited to see him.  They made such a big deal about how big he had gotten and asked him how old he was and what grade he was in.  He answered EVERY question!

Then we went to Liam's classroom and although he didn't really remember it, he was talking to me and pointing out things on the wall that are also in his classroom, like the weather chart, alphabet, etc.  His old teacher's aide is now Liam's teacher's aide and she couldn't believe how well he was doing.  She was his safety net and Thomas spent most of his time by her side.  He was a little more hesitant answering her questions, but he did answer most of them.  I was so proud of him.

It was so great to show these people, who witnessed day after day complete muteness when he was there, that he could now talk!   I still look back on Thomas's preschool days when he was completely mute and struggle with the sadness of those times.  Today I truly feel like we came full circle with this and now really feel a sense of closure on this chapter of Thomas's life.