New Year's Resolutions

Stumbled upon this on twitter from Ellen Stumbo.com and thought it was appropriate for New Years Eve!  

Bubble Mountains

Thomas’s OT introduced us to 'Bubble Mountains' recently and they have not only been a wonderful tool for helping with self regulation, but are also a huge hit with both of my boys. 

To do this exercise, start by filling a bucket, bowl or other container with water and then adding a few squirts of gentle dish soap.  Make sure the dish soap gets added after the water so that no bubbles are made before you start.  Provide your child with a straw and tell them to take a deep breath in.  When they are ready to exhale, they put their straw in the water and blow through the straw for as long as they can, creating bubbles.  Then they take their mouth off of the straw for another deep breath in and repeat!  After a few deep inhales and exhales, your child should have a large bubble formation. 

Basically the idea is that they are taking deep breaths, but in a fun way!  Just try to remind them not to breathe in with the straw in their mouths.  My boys will once in awhile get so wrapped up in making their bubble mountain that they forget this and end up with a mouthful of soapy water!  Deep breath in without straw, deep breath out with straw :) 

My son is easily overwhelmed by sensory stimulation, so the proprioceptive input received from blowing the bubbles through a straw is very calming, in addition to the deep breathing.  It is a great activity for after school when he is coming down from the sensory overload of the day.

Have you ever tried this?  What other exercises do you use for self-regulation?   Post below or on my facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/groups/1677892492524783/

Find and Color Holiday Printable

Looking for something to keep your child busy as you wrap things up for the holidays that also can improve their speech, language, vocabulary, comprehension and math skills?  I stumbled upon this great “I Spy” printable on Pinterest yesterday.  This sheet has a lot going on in terms of visual sensory input, but if your child is okay with that, then this is a must try.  

I set both my 3 and 6 year old up with it.  Can you guess from the pictures which one belongs to my wild three year old as opposed to my very neat 6 year old?- LOL!  Thomas loved this and enjoyed visually scanning through the pictures to find what he was looking for.  He had trouble with some of the words, but we sounded them out together and he also was counting a lot as he looked for specific numbers of items.  I helped my three year old for a few minutes, but once I got busy with a few things, he began doing it “his way.”  This was fine by me though, because it kept him busy for a good 15 minutes, which is a huge success in my book!

Here is the link for the printable pdf from picklebums.com: http://picklebums.com/images/printables/picklebums_christmasfindandcolour.pdf

The best gift I could ever receive!

Every year in November, the children at Thomas's school start practicing for the holiday concert and every year it brings on a trememdous amount of anxiety for him.  When he was three and at the height of his selective mutism, he refused to go on stage to practice and his fear of doing this concert created such bad separation anxiety at preschool, that we decided he would not be a part of the concert.  Normally I am against puilling him out of things, as I feel he needs to learn how to work through his challenges, but at three we felt this was something he could try next year when we had a year of treatment under our belt.  I was sad for him to be missing out on the experience, but it really was the best decision for him at the time.

When he was four, his new preschool was not involved in the holiday concert.  Whew!  We dodged a bullet that year.  Then came kindergarten and the anxiety crept back up.  He was now two years older and better able to manage his anxiety.  He loved singing the songs at home, but told us that it was too scary to sing on stage.  We made it clear that we were proud of him for being brave enough to try and go up on stage and if he didn't sing that was totally fine.  He was able to go on stage in front of a large crowd, which was a huge step.  He did not sing, or smile or move, but he did ring a jingle bell by his side slightly for one song.  We made sure he knew how proud we were of him for trying his best.  You could tell he was proud too and his confidence grew just from the experience of being brave enough to get up there.  

This year in first grade, he was coming home singing the songs and telling us how excited he was about the concert.  I was pleasantly surprised: although there have been many times that he was excited about something right up until the minute it was about to happen and then would shut down, so I didn't get my hopes up at all.  The night of the concert, I had my video camera ready to tape a frozen child who wanted more than anything to sing and move, but his anxiety just wouldn't let him.  When his class came on, I felt the familiar nervous feeling come over me, as it always does when my son is put in a situation that makes him uncomfortable.  I always feel so sad for him, but also so proud of his bravery for trying.  Well, tonight something completely unexpected happened.  Thomas SANG and did the MOVEMENTS in front of about 100 parents, grandparents and kids.  I could barely breathe.  I thought I would faint.  I could see it happening but could not believe it!  I didn't even get to video tape it as I was in shock and bursting with pride for him.  For years, I dreamt of this moment and it was here! I don't think anything can ever top the feeling I felt that night.  When I saw him afterwards, I was a teary mess and couldn't stop telling him how proud I was.  I received THE best Christmas gift I could ever ask for and it came 3 weeks early.  I don't need anything else!  Never give up!!!  

Oh and someone was nice enough to send me a video of it.  I cannot figure out how to get video on here, but I will post it when I do :)  Truly amazing!

An attitude of gratitude- my 30 day challenge

I had been hearing a lot lately about the power of having an attitude of gratitude.  It is way too easy to get caught up and focus in on the things that are wrong in our life, but what about all the things that are right!  As a mom to children with sensory processing issues and one with selective mutism, it is easy to ask "Why me?" and focus on what is going wrong on those days where EVERYTHING is a struggle.  Can positive thinking really change how you preceive things?  I decided to become intentional with this and so I took on a 30 month gratitude challenge and started a gratitude journal.

What a better month to focus on this than November, a month where we focus on our blessing and giving thanks. I got a journal and each night before bed, I thought about my day and wrote down atleast 3 things that I was thankful for that day.  I also wrote down the best moment of my day and then some of the challenges I faced and what I am learning from them.  Some days were easier than others.  We went to Disney for a week with my family, where it was pretty easy to find things to write about, but then two days after we got back, my dad had to be helicopter to the city for an unexpected emergency heart surgery that 9 out of 10 people do not survive.  We were told that there was a good chance he might not survive and it was devastating.  Those nights were a lot harder, but I still wrote in the journal and you know what?  Prayer and having that positive attitude really helped me through and allowed me to take things day by day instead of focusing on all that was wrong.  My dad made it through his surgery and even though he is still in the hospital on the long road to recovery, he is going to be okay.

After a few days of journaling, I started looking for things during my day that I was thankful for, so that I could remember them for my journal.  I would pause to take in the moment and appreciate it, when in the past I probably wouldn't have given it much thought.  Things like snuggling my son on the couch, my warm cup of tea, getting a big hug from my youngest when I was crying about my dad, spending time talking with a friend, and watching my son's silent bravery as he ordered his food at a restaurant all became more meaningful.  It helped me to recognize the little things, which made me feel more happy, thus more grateful.

I honestly didn't think doing this journal would have any effect on my thinking, but in just a few days it was easy to see the power of positive thinking.  Gratitude really shifts your mindset and can be such a positive tool.  I encourage you to try it yourself, especially in the day to day struggles you may be facing with selective mutism and sensory processing in your life or someone's you love.

Tips for the holidays -part 1 (Holiday get togethers)

The holidays can be a challenging time for anyone, but for a child with sm it can be extremely difficult. The change in routine, new settings, unfamiliar faces asking questions, relatives wanting pictures, and increased expectation from unfamiliar family and friends can easily lead to meltdowns from them and you as a parent.  I've been there and it's not pretty.  You try to figure out how to best help your child, while fielding questions from family and friends who mean well but just don't get it. You get frustrated with relatives, yourself and even your child.  Here are some tips I have learned over time that have helped with holiday get togethers.

1.  Arrive early.  Allow for warm up time.  It will be easier for your child to get used to a new environment before the home fills with people and noise.  Talk with your host beforehand to make sure this is okay.  More often than not, when given notice, a host/hostess is more than happy to comply.

2.  Get your child involved without the need to speak.  Bringing a gift for the host/hostess?  Ask your child ahead of time to hand it to them when they arrive.  Have them pass things at the table or hand over some of the toys they bring to show others which brings me to tip 3.....

3.  Bring props!  Have your child bring a backpack full of some of their favorite toys. My son would never answer personal questions, but after having time to warm up, he would often answer questions about his favorite Thomas the Tank train or book.  The focus is on the prop and not them, therefore decreasing anxiety.

4. Be prepared with common questions. Your child is going to get asked them.  What's your name?  How old are you?  What grade are you in?  What do you want for Christmas? Whatever you can foresee, prepare them for it. Go over these questions with your child so that they are confident answering them.  If this is too much for them, help them by giving them a choice when asked.  Thomas, are you 3 or 4?  If this is too big of a challenge for your child at the time, make flash cards with the answers to show/handover to the person asking the question.  Make it a fun activity for them and have them decorate the cards.

5. Lower your expectations. Unfamiliar settings and people are bound to cause anxiety for the child with sm.   Relax and try not to get too upset about others misunderstandings regarding your child.  Unless you live it, you won't get fully get it.  Educate them the best you can, prepare your child, be there for them and oh have some fun!!!

Bathtub fingerpainting

Is your child unable to tolerate having messy hands?  Do they freak out the second an unpleasant texture touches their little fingers?  Mine too!  Both of my children had/have tactile defensiveness/hypersensitivity. My oldest who is now 6 has overcome this for the most part through OT and also better coping mechanisms as he grows, but my youngest who is now 3 is extremely resistant to things on his hands.  Forget messy art, painting hands, sticky or dirty play and fingerpainting.

I am always trying to figure out ways to expose my boys to messy sensory play without pushing them past their threshold.  It is a very fine line.  So when I stumbled upon some bathtub fingerpaint at the dollar section of Target the other day, I immediately thought this might be a great activity for bath time.  Now, normally I stay as far away from fingerpainting products as possible, as trying them in the past has been unpleasant to say the least.  Usually my youngest will immediately scream and wipe it off on whatever he sees first, his clothes, the wall, his hair.  When I saw the bathtub fingerpaint, I thought this has to have been thought up by an SPD mom.  I mean a child can put the messy texture on their hands and if they don't like it they can just stick their hand under the water to wash it off, plus it's soap too... Genius!

So I bought a tube and cautiously introduced it at bath time the other night.  To my surprise they were both very receptive to the idea of bath fingerpaint and were actually excited to try it.  My youngest let me squirt it on his hand and massage it into his hand a little before he washed it off.   Once his hand was clean, he asked for more and he started FINGERPAINTING on the bathtub wall.  What!?!?  I was so excited.  He would use one finger and sometimes his whole hand to swirl it around and paint the wall.  He'd wash his hand and ask for more.  We went through the entire tube during one bath time!

I think I will be trying some other sensory play activities in the bath tub from now on where my boys can feel more in control of getting the mess off their hands with a tub of water.  Have you ever had success with sensory play once you switched it to a new location?  I'd love to hear about it!

It's Everyone's Halloween

We are all familiar with the challenges our children face at Halloween.  Here is a great reminder to share with others to make them more aware.

Worry Eaters

A range of stuffed animal characters who like nothing more than feasting on children's worries or nightmares.... um yes please!  My first thought when I saw this product was 'Genius! Why didn't I think of that!'  My second thought, 'How perfect would this be for Thomas and other children suffering from anxiety.' I bought one immediately.

Thomas loved the silly looking thing, but was a little hesitant to say his fear out loud, unzip the worry eater and put the paper inside his mouth, but once he got over the initial hesitation, he thought it was hilarious.  We have had our worry eater for about 8 months now and I have to say, he has eaten his share of worries and I have learned a lot!  It has helped me understand more of his specific worries, since I help him write them down.  It has also helped him feel like his worry has been understood by me and sometimes he is even willing to have a discussion about it.  Of course, it is not going to always "cure" the worry, but it can help children to feel the worry has been acknowledged and given to someone else to worry about- kind of like a waste bin for your problems!

We usually go on with life and forget about the worry eater for a while. Yesterday when we were playing with some of his stuffed animals together, I noticed there was a paper in there.  We pulled it out and it was from the beginning of September.  It read, 'I am afraid to play soccer.'

"Mom I'm not afraid to play soccer now.  I love it!"  Thomas said loudly.  He couldn't believe that he was so scared in the beginning of the season.  It led to a discussion about how trying new things can be scary, but overtime you may realize that it is something you like, yada, yada, yada.  You get the point.  Some critics think it encourages children to dwell on their anxieties, but I disagree.  I feel that it empowers children to say their worries out loud and in a way tell the worry that 'You are not going to have control over me.'

Thomas brought his to show-n-tell last last school year and the teacher came up to me after school to tell me that it was a HUGE hit with the kids.  The next day two parents approached me to say their child was telling them all about Thomas's worry eater too.  We often forget that children have worries just like adults and this little monster has not only been a fun toy for Thomas, but also a great coping tool.

After School Meltdowns

As I have mentioned before, picking up Thomas at the end of the school day is not always a pleasant experience.  I am often greeted by a frown and whining right out of the gate.  The moment we are out of sight and earshot of other people, the meltdowns start.  Every little thing becomes a big ordeal and he is easily irritated by his little brother, who takes complete advantage of this.  Last year I contacted his teacher about his after school meltdowns to see if there was something going on at school that was bothering him or that he was having trouble with during the day.  She informed me that she could not think of anything that would cause this and in fact "he had been very happy and pleasant" that week.

My thoughts have always been that he is probably trying so hard to hold it together during the day, as he struggles to adapt to sensory challenges like loud noises, bright lights and other things that cause overstimulation for him in the classroom.  Plus the fact that certain situations are still scary to him with his selective mutism. He is probably working harder than anyone to get through his day, so although it is frustrating, I understand why it is probably happening.  They are going to save their meltdowns for the people they love and trust the most.  As his mom, he knows that he can be himself and trust that I will love him no matter what.

I recently stumbled upon this article, which gives some great tips for coping with after school meltdowns if you are experiencing the same thing with your child/children.

How to Cope With After-School Meltdowns

Food Box Grid

I have gotten several questions regarding (for lack of a better word) the food box grid that we have been using with great success for Liam's food sensitivities.  (October 11th blog post)  It is such a simple thing, yet it would have never occured to me to do this on mine own if the OT hadn't shown it to me.  He doesn't have severe eating issues in regards to textures, but it did get to the point where he was gagging and throwing up at almost every dinner with his meat and other soft textures, so we are giving it a try.  This might not work for a lot of people, but I thought it was worth sharing as an option to try.

I take a piece of construction paper and draw 8 boxes (four on each side) then start at the bottom squares with non-preferred food.  In this picture, it's chicken.  Then a preferred food- peppers.  Yes, my three year old gags on pizza, chicken nuggets and grilled cheese, but loves peppers :)  I always make sure the food is in small bite size pieces, which he doesn better with.  We start at the bottom with the first column.  If he eats a piece of chicken, he gets a pepper.  We repeat and refill the squares until he no longer wants to do it.  He is pretty good about not trying to go right for the pepper, but we definitely have to sit with him to make sure this doesn't happen.  Dinner takes a lot longer this way, but he is eating it.   I think part of it is the fact that it is not a large quantity of chicken at one time like it would be on a plate.  Maybe that visual is too overwhelming to him.  This way he only gets four small bites of a non-preferred food at a time.  My plan is to laminate a few charts, so I don't have to keep creating new ones each night.  I'd love to hear if it helps your child.  Send me a message through the "Contact Me" box and let me know!

Scary Chart

I am not sure if I posted about this in the past, but we use a "Scary Chart" with Thomas to help him give words to his feelings and to acknowledge them.  We used to use this chart several times a day, and it was part of our bedtime routine every night, but now we just use it as needed.   It has been a very powerful tool for Thomas that helps him have control over his feelings.

When Thomas would play one of our cognitive behavioral therapy (cbt) games, interact with a peer, wave, be asked a question by a stranger, or basically any other interaction,  we would ask him in private how it felt on his scary chart and explain each feeling to him.... Not scary, a little scary, scary or super scary.  He would either point to the one or verbally tell me.  Then I'd ask him how we could work together to make it less scary next time.  A lot of times he would just say "I don't know," but as he got older he would sometimes give suggestions.

The scary chart is kept in his room now and is a tool we still use with him.  As you can see from the picture, it is much loved!  Even the page protector is a mess :)  He has always been willing to do his "Scary chart" and will sometimes request it.  I think it really helps him have control over his feelings.

Coming full circle

Thomas had off of school today for a teacher-in-service day, so he had to come with me to drop of his brother Liam at preschool.  Liam now goes to the same preschool that Thomas used to go to.  The same place where we discovered Thomas had selective mutism, the same place where he struggled immensly and had some of his most difficult days.  The school is great and we love the staff, which is why Liam goes there now; however going in there still reminds me of those two very tough years when we were struggling to understand what was going on with Thomas and watching him have so much trouble in preschool.  The two years Thomas was at this preschool were our hardest years to date, as we began our SM treatment and had so many questions.  Thomas had not been there since his last day of preschool when we got his "awesome" memory book, (See June 18, 2014 post) so I was really nervous, but excited to bring him back there.

Thomas was excited to go.  He was so young that luckily he doesn't remember much of his time there.  We talked about the questions he might get asked by the director and his old teachers so that he would be prepared.  I wasn't sure what to expect, as he had never really talked inside those walls and he would be getting a lot of attention today.  When we walked in this morning, we were immediately greeted by the director who was so excited to see him.  They made such a big deal about how big he had gotten and asked him how old he was and what grade he was in.  He answered EVERY question!

Then we went to Liam's classroom and although he didn't really remember it, he was talking to me and pointing out things on the wall that are also in his classroom, like the weather chart, alphabet, etc.  His old teacher's aide is now Liam's teacher's aide and she couldn't believe how well he was doing.  She was his safety net and Thomas spent most of his time by her side.  He was a little more hesitant answering her questions, but he did answer most of them.  I was so proud of him.

It was so great to show these people, who witnessed day after day complete muteness when he was there, that he could now talk!   I still look back on Thomas's preschool days when he was completely mute and struggle with the sadness of those times.  Today I truly feel like we came full circle with this and now really feel a sense of closure on this chapter of Thomas's life.

OT with Liam - working with food

On Tuesday, we packed up a lunch bag of two preferred foods and two non-preferred foods to take to Liam's occupational therapist for the beginning stages of dealing with his gagging on foods.  For his preferred foods, I brought two crunchy foods which is the texture he enjoys.  For his non-preferred foods, I bought scrambled eggs and a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.  He has always had trouble with eggs and more recently the gooey texture of pb&j and bread.  I stayed in the waiting area, so that they could observe him without me.  They wanted to make sure it wasn't more behavioral than sensory related.

The results:  He ate some of each, but they approached it in a different way.  They took a big piece of paper and drew two rows of boxes putting a little of each food in the boxes.  They alternated a non-preferred food and then a preferred food.  If he ate a bite of the non-preferred food, he would then get a bite of the preferred food.  The therapist was very happy with the results, and there was very little gagging.  We will continue to do this each week with different foods, but her inital thoughts are that approaching foods he dislikes in very little doses, along with preferred foods is a good way to go.

So tonight, we had chicken that Liam always has trouble with.  I completely forgot about giving it to him in small doses, as the chaos of my house at dinner time makes rational thinking almost impossible!  Anyways, when I served everyone their dinner, Liam started gagging when trying bites of his chicken.  He asked if he could do the "little squares" like at therapy, and I was happy to try.  So I got out a piece of colored paper, drew some boxes and started putting different pieces of his dinner on it, the way the therapist had showed me, and would you believe he ate every piece without gagging!  Seriously!?!  My husband and I just stared at each other in amazement!  Yes, it is a mess and inconvenient, but it works for now.  I may never truly understand what goes on in his little brain, but for now he will be eating his dinner off of construction paper with little squares :)

Thomas's sm progress at school

I am truly thrilled with how well school is going this year for Thomas.  All the hard work over the past few years is truly paying off.  He is having no problem separating from me to get in line at school in the morning. He is happy when I pick him up and has several friends he enjoys playing with.  I spoke to his teacher at back to school night and asked her if he was speaking and she said, "Oh yes!  He is answering questions and asks all the time when snack is!"  Ha!  That definitely sounds like him :)  The other day the school psychologist came up to me and said "I have to tell you something.  I was in the lunchroom yesterday and was trying to get the kids to quiet down for an announcement.  Thomas and his friend were talking up a storm and I had to call his name five times before he heard me and quieted down."  We both laughed and I told her that I was so happy he was getting in trouble for talking!

If you are discouraged right now and feeling overwhelmed with your child who has sm, believe me I have been there.   I always had hope that we would get to a good place eventually, but along the way  there have been lots of tears, frustration, anger, worry, doubt and sadness.  Check out my June 18, 2014 post.  With the right therapy, support and hard work it will get better.  Check out these before and after pics of my son.  The first is him at school 3 years ago and then the other two are of the first day of school this year with his friends.  Night and day.

3 year old school pic.  During 1st year of therapy

First day of school pic with best buddy this September

Being silly with friends

Sensory play take 2- Fun with homemade gak

After the shaving cream fail, I wasn't sure how homemade gak would go, but I wanted to give it a try.  I had the boys help me make it and pick the color it would be.  They loved seeing it transform from a water mess into a blob when we added the borax.  Liam was very hesitant to touch it and gagged a little.  I gave him some play doh tools to use with it first and eventually he started holding it in his hands.  Usually when I try to do something crafty with the boys it last all of about 5 minutes, but this was a hit!  They played with it for a good 30 minutes- stretching it, rolling it, smelling it, sticking things in it.  Lots of good sensory input.  We will be doing this again.  It only took about 5 minutes to make.   Here's the recipe we used:

Ingredients

• 8 oz bottle of regular white glue (Elmer's or generic is fine, just make sure it's school glue, not tacky craft glue)
• 1 teaspoon Borax 
• ½ cup of water and
• 1 cup of water
• Food coloring

Instructions

1. Empty the entire bottle of white glue into a medium sized bowl.
2. Add food coloring (the more you add, the brighter it will be).
3. Fill the empty glue bottle with water. Shake it up to try to get some of the leftover glue out. Pour the water into the bowl.
4. Stir the mixture until it's smooth.
5. Add more food coloring and stir again if you want a brighter color.
6. Dissolve 1 teaspoon of Borax in ½ cup of warm water. If you have trouble getting it to dissolve, put the mixture in the microwave for 20 seconds at a time and stir until it's dissolved.
7. Stir the entire Borax mixture into the glue mixture. It will almost instantly get stringy and turn into slime!
8. Kneed the rest by hand until all the water is absorbed.
9. Store in a large freezer bag when you are done playing with it!

Shaving cream sensory play fail

In talking with Liam's OT, she encouraged me to do more messy sensory play at home.  I had to do this with Thomas when he was younger too and it helped him a lot with having paint on his hands, sticky food etc.  Liam though is much more strong willed and he sure exhibited that today!  

I dug out some shaving cream and asked Thomas to join us in the activity so Liam could see that big brother could do it.  We covered some baking pans with foil and squirted shaving cream on top.  Immediately Liam looked concerned.  He loves smells so I poured some pink kool aid mix into it, but this did not help.  Thomas put his hands right in, but Liam just observed.  Eventually I got him to stick his hand in for about 2 seconds.  He flipped out, wiping pink Kool aid shaving cream furiously all over his clothes to get it off his hands.  Looking back, I should have let him start with some toys to play with in there rather than go for putting his hand right in.  Will try again another time.

OT eval for Liam

So the gagging and throwing up of foods and the avoidance of playground equipment has really increased over the past month with our youngest son Liam, so we decided to go through our insurance and get an OT eval through a higly recommended provider.  Since he doesn't have the anxiety that Thomas has, we didn't feel he needed a specialized out of pocket therapist.  Liam did great through the eval and did everything they asked of him.  They did feel he would benefit from OT for an 8 week session to start, which is what our insurance currently provides.  My husband and I knew that adding yet another therapy to my daily schedule would be stressful, not to mention it is a half hour away, but we both felt we needed to give it a try.  They will be doing swing work, some core strenthening, gross motor skills work and also feeding therapy.  He had his first session today which went well and next week I will be bringing preferred and non preferred foods for them to work with.  Very curious to see how they will work with him through his gagging issues.

Soccer update

Thomas continues to get better and better at soccer.  He happily ran onto the field for practice this week and had a great time.  He even ran with the kids for scrimage, although he wanted to be nowhere near the ball.  At least he was on the same side of the field :)  His confidence is growing and it makes us even more confident that having him try soccer was a good decision.

His 2nd game went pretty well.  He is atleast running to stay on the same side of the field as the other kids.  I just met a mom from another team who's child is still refusing to go on the field to play, so we are not the only one with a child who is nervous about playing.  I don't think Thomas has touched the ball yet during a game and other kids just take over when he is out there, but I honestly don't care.  He is braver than he will ever know.  Most kids on his team have been playing since they were four, but I think by the end of the season he could be right there with them.

As a mom, it is so easy to want to protect your child from things that make them nervous and scared, but more and more I am realizing that getting through uncomfortable challenges really builds Thomas's confidence and ours in him.  Soccer has not been easy for him and there have been lots of awkward, frustrating times for us as parents as well, but each week is getting better and easier for all of us.  We keep encouraging him and acknowledging his scary feelings and gradually confidence is following.

First soccer game

Thomas was reluctant to go to his first soccer game this morning, which is no surprise since the actual playing the game part is what he is struggling with.  He is saying he is scared, but can't put into words what is scary about it.  Thomas needs time to process things before he reacts.  He likes to observe and really think before he acts.  Soccer is so fast paced and quick reaction time is essential that by the time Thomas processes everything and is ready to react, they are onto the next play.

The game started and he just stood in one spot on the field nervously picking at his nails, which he does when he is nervous.  Can you spot him in the picture below?  It is so hard to watch.  My heart is breaking for him and you just know there are other parents wondering what the heck he is doing.  As his mommy, I had to fight the instinct to run and swoop him up to save him from those uncomfortable feelings, but I know in the long run these challenges will only help him grow.

His coach did get him involved when he could by choosing him to do most of the offside kicks and face offs, which he has no problem with.  I reached out to his coach at the beginning of the season to inform him of some of the difficulties Thomas might have due primarily to his spd.  He has no problem talking on the field.  By the end of the game, you could see he was gaining some confidence and started running a little bit with the kids.  When the game ended, he came off the field smiling and was really proud of himself.  We were too.  Some people who know about Thomas's SM and SPD asked if we will continue the season if he has trouble with it.  Our answer is "Yes, absolutely!"  He may never be a star soccer player (or maybe he will) but he is trying his best and is the bravest one out there in our mind.  He is learning new skills and teamwork while facing challenges and isn't that what sports are all about?

Soccer practice

Thomas continues to amaze me at how comfortable he is getting doing all the soccer drills.  I know this would not have happened last year.  He is actually pretty good at handling the ball and did really well with all the kicking, dribbling and shooting drills.  Pics of him below in neon yellow shorts.

At the end of every practice though, they do scrimages and this is where his fears kick in.  He just freezes in place on the field while the other kids run around him.  Baby steps. It's painful to watch, but I'm trying to focus on the fact that he is doing great going on to the field and doing drills.  In time, I think he will get there.

1st day of 1st grade was a success!

The first day of school is finally here!  We talked about it a lot, met his teacher and saw the classroom prior to the first day and also visited where Thomas would be lining up.  We made plans to meet his friend at his house so they could ride bikes to school together.  On the first day, the whole school all lines up by class on the blacktop.  It is very chaotic with nervous children and parents all trying to find their class spot, but Thomas seemed very calm.  I helped him find a few friends and he started talking with them like it was any other day.  I saw some of his classmates crying and clinging to their parents and couldn't believe that wasn't us!  I was so proud of Thomas.  He even led his line in to the first day of school.  I feel like I can let out a breathe of relief now.  Day 1 down, 179 to go!

Back to school tips for children with sm

Tomorrow Thomas starts 1st grade.  I cannot believe it!  He was a little nervous, but also excited tonight. We talked a lot about what would be happening tomorrow and where he would be lining up to go in.  This article has some really useful tips for children with sm, as they get ready to begin the school year.  We have implemented several of the tips mentioned in this article into our back to school prep and it definitely helps ease the anxiety.  Knowing what to expect really helps ease Thomas's worries on the first day in a new class.

Tips for Helping Kids with Selective Mutism Go back to school

Meeting Thomas's new teacher

Each year, right before school starts, we schedule a time through the school psychologist to come in for about a half an hour to meet Thomas's new teacher.  It lets him see his new classroom and meet his teacher, so that the first day won't be so overwhelming.  I also give the teacher an "About my Child" sheet with some info about Thomas and how to best interact with him.  This was recommended through our treatment at the Smart Center and it has been a great resource for all staff who interact with him.  In the past year, I gave one to the art, gym, computer teacher, etc as well.

Last year, he had some trouble with this meeting, because there is a lot of attention on him and it is a new situation.  I was hopeful that this year would go better, as he was very verbal for the majority of last year.  The speech pathologist, who he is very close to met us in the hallway and he was verbal with her, which was great.  As we got to the new classroom though, he went mute and was unable to verbalize anything to the new teacher or to the SP inside the classroom.  I asked some choice questions and he would respond to me in a whisper, so it is a start.  I am hoping that he warms up quickly like last year.  I am not that worried, because it is a new situation that he will need time to adjust to.  He has two close friends in his class, which I think will help a lot.  The beginning of the school year is always a little nerve wracking for any child.  Hoping he will settle into a routine quickly and have a fabulous year!

Starting soccer

I have to be honest, I was extremely nervous about signing Thomas up for soccer and did not think it would go well.   It pretty much encompasses everything he fears- lots of movement, jostling, coordinated drills, etc.  Are we crazy!?!?  He really had no interest, but my husband and I want him to atleast experience different sports before making up his mind that it wasn't for him.  Soccer is THE sport in our area.  Most of the children in his school are involved with soccer.  Not only do they start at 4 years old, they play year round, do soccer clinics and often join travel teams.  We felt that this was the last year that Thomas could join the recreational league before he got to age where it started getting competetive.  I was so on the fence about whether this was a good decision or not that I literally signed him up just a week ago.  I am very protective of him, but I am very much of the mindset that he needs to be pushed out of his comfort zone to really experience life and grow.

All week he was saying he didn't want to go, but we stayed positive, practiced kicking the ball around with him and listened to and acknowledged his fears.  We made it clear that as long as he tried, we would be proud.   He knew that if he tried, he would also be rewarded with getting to watch a Star Wars movie later in the week with dad.  (He loves Star Wars and is working his way through the movies)

He had his first practice tonight.  We did some OT calming exercises, skin brushing and deep massage beforehand.  We got there early so he could warm up.  He was very reluctant at first, but we used humor to get him kicking the ball.  Humor really works with him.  His coach is great too, which makes all the difference.  I was shocked when he was confident enough to join the team for some drills.  He had trouble with some, but tried a lot of them.  He was doing very well, until they were split into teams for a scrimage.  He froze and did not participate in this, but overall I was thrilled with what he was able to do.  Again really trying to focus on what he did do, rather than what he didn't. All the other parents were talking and relaxing and again we look like the overbearing parents, because we need to keep helping him get back on the field, but it was worth it.   The fact that he is out here amongst these kids trying soccer is nothing short of amazing to me.  He has come so far and is braver than he will ever know!

I spoke too soon- Wrinkly toes

I knew that having everyone happy at the pool was just too good to last, and it was.  Liam is back to not wanting to go in the pool.  Took him today and he refused to go anywhere near the water.  I was so confused.  What happened?!?  He didn't want to get out the last time?  After a half an hour of unsuccessful attempts to get him to come in, he finally yelled that he didn't want his toes to get wrinkly.  Seriously.  We stayed in the pool so long the last visit that his toes were wrinkly and I had noticed him trying to rub the wrinkles away.  I had no idea it bothered him that much.  He's back to camping out at the sandbox again.  SMH!

One big, happy swimming family!

There was a break through with Liam in the pool today.  He went in and really enjoyed it!  He was kicking and having a great time.  So what changed?  We think his fear of the filter was holding him back, so we spent a lot of time showing it to him and "feeding" it leaves from the pool.  He still gets upset about his bathing suit being wet, but it has been so hot that it dries fast.  I think the fact that the water is so warm now, because of the 90 degree days, has made a huge difference too.  We finally all like the pool with two weeks left to enjoy it :)

Finding an ally

If you have been reading this blog for sometime, you may remember that back in April 2014, we had a special playdate with a mom and another child who had SM.  We have kept in touch and have seen each other at a sm camp, but live a good distance from each other and have little ones, so it has been hard to visit more frequently.  We decided to get together again this summer and today was the day.

What a difference two years make!  They have both made incredible progress with their SM and were easily able to start communicating with each other and each others mom quite quickly.  Thomas usually takes a good amount of time to warm up to a new child, but they went off playing together and really seemed to get each other right away.  Thomas didn't really remember meeting her before, as he was really young, but we explained to him that she also sometimes had trouble using her words and that she also saw his doctor.  He had a lot of questions and was really excited for our visit, maybe in part because he knew she was similar to him?

SM can be such an isolating thing for a child and their caregivers.  I know I have said it before, but to have another mom who totally understands exactly what your child has and is going through is priceless!  You don't have to explain anything or worry about what your child may or may not say or do.  They just get it and that is such a wonderful feeling, when your daily life seems to be a constant stream of explaining/justifying/fighting for your child.  I imagine this is why the two of them became fast friends.  They understood each other!

Anyway, we had a great time and Thomas was really sad to leave.  We will definitely continue to meet up for our children and for us as moms.  I highly encourage those working with a sm/spd professional to ask if they can put you in touch with another family in your area that is going through the same experience.  It is such a difficult, emotional journey not just for your child, but for you as the caretaker.  Having someone to talk to about sm, bounce ideas off of and encourage during difficult set backs is so incredibly priceless.  It will truly be so beneficial for your child and yourself!

OT homework

We had a great OT session today.  Thomas quickly warmed up to his new therapist and they were able to get a lot done in the hour alotted.  We brought a prop (toy of his choice) to help take the attention of him and it worked beautifully.  I asked the therapist if that was okay and she said definitely.  His toy character explored the gym and bounced around with him.  He was good about putting it down when he needed his hands for exercises.

She did a lot of proprioceptive and vestibular work today and also did something called making bubble mountains for helping with deep breaths and self regulation.  Thomas loved this.  He had a really good session.  He had been swimming all afternoon which is great sensory input, so I feel like he was willing to do more than usual at his session.

We discussed reintroducing skin brushing and joint compression.  We had done this at home for over a year and half with Thomas and eventually stopped, once we stopped therapy.  The new therapist really feels that it would be beneficial to start it up again for tactile and proprioceptive reasons.  I agree and so for the first couple weeks we are going to try to commit to every 2 hours as recommended at first.  It is a big committment, but after a few weeks you can scale back.  Since it is summer and he is not in school the majority of the day, this is the best time to start it up again.  I know it won't consistently happen every two hours, but we will do our best :)

What an amazing article!!!  (Link below)  If you are going through the diagnosis process or are searching for what may be causing your child's abnormal behavior, please read this article.  When we started out on this crazy journey, so many people tried to tell me what was "wrong" with my son.  We heard everything from "he's just shy," to apraxia, to autism.  Our original pediatrician told us it was probably autism and I wanted to scream "Are you crazy!!!"  As a parent trust your instincts!!  You know your child better than anyone and in my opinion, most doctors have none to very little experience dealing with SM and SPD.  I knew that my child was extremely loving, cuddly, tuned into emotions, and verbal in our home and I am so glad I did not accept people's opinions as fact. I think the word "autism" is thrown around so loosely now and people just accept the diagnosis.  Granted for several it is the correct diagnosis,  but selective mutism is NOT autism!
It is hard work to find the correct people who truly understand the treatment your child needs, but don't give up.  Feel free to contact me to learn more about where our child got treatment. 

The Most Common Misdiagnoses in Children

http://childmind.org/article/the-most-common-misdiagnoses-in-children/

Proud owner of a red swim band

Every day Thomas is becoming a more and more confident swimmer.  He is fully going underwater and swimming and jumping in where he can't touch (with me nearby).  He conquered his fear of swimming with help from the swim teacher!  Once he gets past a fear, there is no stopping him.  It's just getting him over it- that's the hard part.   We had been asking him over the past month if her wanted to try for his red band at our swim club.  Basically this is the initial swim test that allows you to be in the 3ft. without a parent.  It involves swimming from one side to the other without touching bottom.  He has done it several times, but the thought of a lifeguard "testing" him was, no surprise, terrifying to him.  We tried it once and he just froze, so we let it go.  Ever since then, I have been thinking up some ways to test him without him knowing- talking to lifeguard manager, video of him doing it, lifeguard watching him without him knowing, etc.

Today, he had swim lessons and I spoke to his teacher about her having him swim to the other end while I got a lifeguard to secretly watch.  We both knew he could do it, so we tried it out.  I had explained the situation to the guards earlier
, who were very understanding and when it was time, a girl sat at a table out of sight from Thomas to watch.  I held my breathe as he swam across.  He did it!  I wanted to jump and cheer, but because he didn't know he took the test, I got his band quietly and surprised him after his lesson.  He was confused, but excited!  I told him the guard was walking by and saw how great he swam across the pool.  "She saw that you could do it and wanted to give you your band."  Other parents overheard and made a big deal about it, which he hated.  He was super quiet until we got to the car afterwards and couldn't stop smiling and talking about it.  He kept asking to hear the story again.  He was so proud of himself and so was our whole family.  It was a goal of mine to have him get his red band this summer, primarily as a confidence booster for him.  He did it!  He is now a proud owner of a red band and wears it all the time!

Standardized Assessments often don't work with SM kids

Thomas and I went to his new OT evaluation today.  He was really excited and was curious about everything in the therapy room.  I forgot to bring a prop for him, but luckily they had a ton of beanie babies and he quickly grabbed one of them.  Having a prop is a strategy we use to take the focus off him and onto the object, which works wonders.  We began to comment on how fast his beanie baby went down the slide, jumped over things, etc.  After a few minutes, Thomas began climbing on the equipment as well.  The OT and I discussed letting him warm up first and this helped a lot.

After about 15 minutes, he was very comfortable, so she decided to try her first evaluation.  She put a line of colored tape down the center of the room and asked if he could walk across it.  He completely froze.  The attention was now on him to "perform" and I could feel his anxiety.  I have learned through his therapy that a sense of expectation causes him to shut down.  He can sense it and he gets extremely nervous.  Familiar with these behaviors, the OT changed gears and set up a trampoline in line with a crash pad and pop out tunnel.  She asked if he wanted to play on them.  By this point though, he was already in shut down mode and stood like a statue.  I could tell he was dying to try it, but he was too nervouse to try in front of her.  She felt it too and decided to leave the room for a minute.  No sooner had that door closed, he was jumping on that trampoline, then onto the crashpad.  When the door opened again he stopped.

It was clear that standardized assessments were not going to work yet.  The key to this though was the OT understood this.  She didn't push it and just decided to evaluate the best she could through play as he developed a relationship and trust with her.  I started throwing beanie babies for him to catch over the crash pad and as soon as he felt the pressure was off, he was back to running all over the place.

Through lots of casual play together that was on Thomas's terms, she observed a lot of things and asked me a lot of questions.  By the end, he was comfortable enough to do a few gross motor assessments with her.  Our plan is now to have an ongoing evaluation over time, as standardized evaluation assessments in an alotted time just don't work for children like Thomas.    This is the reason why I feel our only option is an OOP provider who specializes in OT with these types of children.  This OT gets this, because she works with kids like him all the time.

"Focus on what I can do, instead of what I can't!"

Thomas went to Vacation Bible School at our church this week and I helped out.  It is rare that I get a glimpse of him in a "classroom" type setting and so of course I was curious as to how he would interact.  As moms, I feel like we are always the first to defend our child, but also can be our child's toughest critic - not in a mean way, but just because you want the best for them.

He did an amazing job speaking and talking with the other children, but he has a lot of trouble with the singing and coordinated movement activities that are unfortunately a HUGE part of every damn kid activity.  There's always dancing, silly movement and songs, because most kids love that stuff.  My heart absolutely breaks for him when I see him standing stiff as a board at the back of a group of carefree, excited kids singing and dancing their little hearts out.  It is part anxiety, part sensory related, but it is just a mother's instinct to want to help him.  I went over and stood next to him a few times that week to do the movements.  I could feel his anxiety, but could often make him laugh and take the pressure off him by doing some silly things.

At dinner tonight, we were talking about the day and I mentioned to my husband that Thomas had a good day, but had some trouble with the songs at VBS.  Thomas quickly jumped in and said "Yeah but I did try and I clapped for the one song!"  He was right!  Although he didn't come right out and say it, it was like he was yelling, "Focus on what I can do, instead of what I can't!"  And he is absolutely right!  Why didn't I say that instead!  I was so focused on what Thomas wasn't doing,  that I didn't celebrate what he did do, which was a BIG accomplishment for him.  I made sure he knew how proud I was of this that night and I am now making a much more concentrated effort to focus on all the amazing things he is doing instead of getting caught up in the things he can't do yet.

Great day!

Swimming provides amazing sensory input and Thomas is really starting to love it.  It provides great vestibular, proprioceptive and tactile input.  Now that he is feeling confident at the pool and not as anxious, he never wants to get out of the water.  In the beginning of the summer, he was so scared to put his face in the water, now he is a little fish :)  Even got Liam in today as well up to his belly. I of course bribed him with treats for when we got out, but also distracted him to the fact that he was getting wet by having him try to squirt daddy and Thomas with a water squirter.  He thought it was hilarious and kept him in the pool for about 10 minutes!

Family Hike to end week 2 of camp

A family hike is held in the evening on the last night of nature camp.  Thomas had been waiting for this night for a long time and couldn't wait to show us the places he had hiked and what he had learned.  The day leading up to it though, was very challenging.

Today was one of those days where everything was difficult.  Liam and Thomas fought all day, there were several time outs and it was 95 degrees with humidity.  I was exhausted come 6:00, but we got our hiking clothes, sneakers and bug spray on and headed out to camp.  We were given glow sticks for when it got dark and binoculars to get a closer look at nature.  It was hot and it was a LONG (2hr) hike with a toddler in tow, but both boys did great and it was actually an amazing night and a really fun, therapeutic hike.  It was such a nice family activity and seeing Thomas pointing out plants he learned about, spotting deer and catching frogs was just so special.  Being in nature really has a calming effect on him and our whole family.  By the time the night was over, the boys were happy but exhausted.  Thomas cried the whole way home, because he was so sad camp was over and Liam cried because he dropped his glow stick and couldn't reach it.   I smiled the whole way home though, because I knew we had found something special for Thomas for future summers and eventually Liam when he gets older.  Here were are at Beaver creek on our hike.

Gagging

As if I don't have enough to worry about with Thomas, Liam's sensory issues especially with food are getting stronger every day.  When he was a baby, we thought it was so strange that he would gag when he saw any of us eating long wiggly spaghetti or stringy grilled cheese, but over time I read about sensitivities to different textures/types of food.  Earlier this year we had him evaluated by early invention for it and although they acknowledge it's presence, it wasn't bad enough to warrant treatment at that time.  They gave us some strategies to work on.  Fast forward 5 months later and he is gagging on so many new things.  Over the past month, he will no longer eat chicken of any kind and only things that are cut crisply (no stringiness) or he will gag.  Certain types of breads are causing him to gag as well and just recently waffles.  I have put it on the back burner because I have been focused on Thomas, but after speaking with the pediatrician last week, he informed me that this is a serious sensory issue, because it involves nutrition.  So now we have to make a decision on where to go (in network or OOP) to get this checked out.  As I am typing this, I am getting more and more stressed out about it.  He also has refused swings and most slides since he was 1 and has several of the same sensory issues Thomas has, but on a much smaller scale.   On the positive side, he definitely doesn't have selective mutism!   I think I haven't gotten him treatment yet, because I am in denial.  I have just been hoping since it is not as severe, it will all disappear, but I know all too well that it doesn't work that way.

Will try for treats!

Bribery is an awesome tool to have in your arsenal.  I do not use it often and it doesn't always work, but if the situation is right and I know it will motivate, it works wonders.  Liam let me hold him in the 2 ft. pool today.  Only after I told him I would get him a pretzel at the snack bar (which I was going to do anyway) He agreed, on the condition that I was not to get any part of him wet, which was fine by me.  Just getting him to hover above water was a BIG step.  It only lasted about 10 seconds before he wanted to have his feet back on the pavement, but I'll take it.  He got a pretzel.  Later that day, I was swimming with Thomas in the 3ft. while Liam voluntarily sat in a chair on the side baking in the sun.  How wonderful convenient it would be, if all three of us would swim in the same pool and be happy.  I tried bribery again.  After negotiating, he decided that I could hold him in the three foot and get some of his body wet for a ring pop- SOLD!  I proceeded cautiously and had great success by playing the Motor Boat game with him.  He was laughing and getting wetter than I thought he would.  It lasted about two minutes and he got a ring pop :)  Successful day!

Restarting OT- copay or OOP

After foolishly stopping OT cold turkey when our occupational therapist in Pennsylvania retired almost a year ago, the effects of stopping Thomas's sensory diet are really starting to catch up to us.  We got complacent when things were going well, which is so easy to do with how busy life is.  Even though we learned how to do a lot of the therapeutic activities/exercises that help him, my husband and I decided to start working with an OT closer to us in NJ and address some of the sensory issues that are getting worse.

So we were faced with the issue of do we go the co-pay route through a system that has a broad OT focus or pay out of pocket (OOP) to go to a place that specializes in sensory processing disorder.  We were faced with this decision 2 years ago when we began OT.  Back then we decided to go in network, as I had recently quit my job to stay home full time with our two boys.  (See post from 2014)  They tried to get him into the loud, bright, noisy gym to evaluate him with no luck (surprise, surprise!) Then they just took him to a room and tried some tests to have him answer some questions, which he wouldn't because of his SM and the fact that he just met these people! They told me that they felt he just had anxiety and gave me some worksheets on anxiety.  I was so mad and knew they were wrong.  My mother's instinct was so strong on this one!  We ended up getting in touch with an OOP OT who was recommended to us by Dr. E. from the Smart Center.  She worked out of her house, in a quiet, calm environment and specialized in treating kids with SM and SPD.  What a difference!

So here we are again.  My husband wanted me to explore the in network options, so I did that over the past 2 weeks.  We had two places to try.  After going through two days of back and forth calls with the first place and leaving messages to speak to the correct person, I finally spoke with a woman who collected all of Thomas's background info and insurance.  Two days after that, a scheduler calls me back telling me that they have nothing for 4 months and even longer than that if I need something after school, which I do.  Nope, onto the next option.  I called the second in network place where I had to leave a message for the OT department person and am still awaiting a call back a week and a half later.

In the meantime, I also called the two OOP practices and spoke directly with the director at both places. It was such a breath of fresh air talking to these people who I felt already understood my son, because they work with these types of children day in and day out.  I was particularly impressed with the one facility who viewed treatment as a family centered approach and went over everything in detail with me about the evaluation process to weekly goals, etc.  She even knew our former OT.  That was all I needed to know.  We sent over our eval from our previous OT and scheduled our new eval.

I know the decision to pay OOP isn't possible for everyone.  It is barely possible for us, but I feel strongly that working with someone who truly understands Thomas sensory issues and needs is crucial to his success.  We'll find yet another way to cut back.  Maybe Thomas will just have to get used to those haircuts by daddy :)

Keeping the fun going

Thomas had such an amazing week at camp that he didn't want it to end.  They fortunately had 2 sessions, so we signed him up for next week too!

Nature Camp

I had heard about a nature camp last summer that I thought would be perfect for Thomas.  He wasn't quite old enough at the time, but I signed him up as soon as I could this spring.  It was a hands on environmental education camp for kids who loved being outside and exploring.  It was from 9-1 every day. There would be nature hikes, exploring reptiles, amphibians and mammals, seining in the river and lots of other things like crafts and nature projects.    It wasn't the typical camp with lots of singing, games and running around without structure which was really hard for him.   I knew he would LOVE it.  The only problem was going to be getting through drop off on the first day.

After the Lego program meltdown, I knew we were going to need a solid plan. I first emailed the instructor his "About My Child" paper, which was something we learned from the Smart Center.  Basically it is a brief, but detailed one page paper that goes over Thomas's strengths, his interests, what makes him shut down and how to best interact with him.  As luck would have it, my husband had off the first day of camp, so he took Thomas over a half hour before the camp started.  This is one of the strategies we learned through his SM therapy.  Walking into a bustling room full of campers would be very overwhelming to him.  He needs to observe his surroundings and get comfortable with a place before people arrive.  It is not always possible, but we do what we can.  He had a chance to meet his teacher and helpers and see the "classroom" before anyone arrived.  He also had an assigned seat which helps him know exactly where he needs to be and it was clear that the teacher had read over the paper we had given her and was already interacting with him by talking about Star Wars (one of his favorite things)

A calm, patient teacher is really ideal for Thomas and that is exactly what he got.  He got upset when Dad went to leave, but the teacher was able to get him to go back to the seat with her.  For four hours, we waited and hoped that everything was going well.  When we picked him up, his exact words were "I love camp!"  I let out a sigh of relief.  This is going to be a great experience for him!

Who let the dogs out!?!

Ugh, dogs continue to be such an issue for Thomas.  Even the tiniest, oldest, blind dog that can barely move
sends Thomas screaming in pure terror.  When he sees one coming, he has to cross to the other side of the street.

Dogs are such a part of people's lives and they are everywhere, including several of his friends' homes, so it is becoming quite an issue.  To make matters worse, Liam has developed a fear of dogs now as well (although to a lesser degree)  I think he sees his big brother scared to death and he feels that he should be afraid too, so therefore has adopted those same fears.  At their well check up I discussed this with their pediatrician and he felt that it was necessary to start addressing the issue before it blows up into an even bigger phobia that affects his daily life.  We were advised to do some exposure therapy, starting with a very small, calm dog for a few hours each week and work our way up.  Great, I'll just add that to the list of 1,000 other things I need to fit into each week!  And where am I going to find these dogs?

The most interesting thing is that even though the boys are terrified of dogs, they LOVE pretending they are dogs, watching tv shows related to dogs and reading about dogs.  I think it may be their way of working through the fear?  Liam's favorite song right now is "Who Let the Dogs Out."  Honestly.  I could not make this stuff up!

A breaking point

This afternoon was one of those days that only moms of children with anxiety can truly understand. Thomas started going to a lego program at the community center last week.  I stayed with him for the first class, because he was really scared for me to leave.  This week, I discussed with Thomas that I needed to run an errand while he did his program and that I could not stay.  I took him to the Lego program early, got him set up with his friend and talking.  We had talked about what was going to happen, made a reward chart for each time he was able to stay and had gotten him confident for the class.  I needed to run to the grocery store with the hour I had. 

When I went to leave Thomas just couldn't handle it.  He came bolting down the hallway screaming like someone was attacking him.  He looked absolutely terrified.  After a few unsuccessful attempts on mine and the teacher's part to get him back into the room, I just lost it.  I could see that he was so truly terrified to stay without me and he kept saying he was scared, but in my head I was just so frustrated.  

Looking back on it, I feel like a horrible mother, but the frustration just got the best of me today and I just yelled at him.  I stormed out the building with him following me.  We got in the car and I just cried and cried.  I cried for being so mean to him when he was so scared and needed me, then I cried for my poor boy who for some reason was having this awful anxiety & how scared he looked and then I just cried out of pure frustration and anger.  I was mad at him, even though I knew I shouldn't be.  It took me a long time to calm down and I knew right then and there we needed to start OT up again and start revisiting past therapies.    As a parent I feel so sad for him, yet it is so incredibly frustrating some times.