An attitude of gratitude- my 30 day challenge

I had been hearing a lot lately about the power of having an attitude of gratitude.  It is way too easy to get caught up and focus in on the things that are wrong in our life, but what about all the things that are right!  As a mom to children with sensory processing issues and one with selective mutism, it is easy to ask "Why me?" and focus on what is going wrong on those days where EVERYTHING is a struggle.  Can positive thinking really change how you preceive things?  I decided to become intentional with this and so I took on a 30 month gratitude challenge and started a gratitude journal.

What a better month to focus on this than November, a month where we focus on our blessing and giving thanks. I got a journal and each night before bed, I thought about my day and wrote down atleast 3 things that I was thankful for that day.  I also wrote down the best moment of my day and then some of the challenges I faced and what I am learning from them.  Some days were easier than others.  We went to Disney for a week with my family, where it was pretty easy to find things to write about, but then two days after we got back, my dad had to be helicopter to the city for an unexpected emergency heart surgery that 9 out of 10 people do not survive.  We were told that there was a good chance he might not survive and it was devastating.  Those nights were a lot harder, but I still wrote in the journal and you know what?  Prayer and having that positive attitude really helped me through and allowed me to take things day by day instead of focusing on all that was wrong.  My dad made it through his surgery and even though he is still in the hospital on the long road to recovery, he is going to be okay.

After a few days of journaling, I started looking for things during my day that I was thankful for, so that I could remember them for my journal.  I would pause to take in the moment and appreciate it, when in the past I probably wouldn't have given it much thought.  Things like snuggling my son on the couch, my warm cup of tea, getting a big hug from my youngest when I was crying about my dad, spending time talking with a friend, and watching my son's silent bravery as he ordered his food at a restaurant all became more meaningful.  It helped me to recognize the little things, which made me feel more happy, thus more grateful.

I honestly didn't think doing this journal would have any effect on my thinking, but in just a few days it was easy to see the power of positive thinking.  Gratitude really shifts your mindset and can be such a positive tool.  I encourage you to try it yourself, especially in the day to day struggles you may be facing with selective mutism and sensory processing in your life or someone's you love.

Tips for the holidays -part 1 (Holiday get togethers)

The holidays can be a challenging time for anyone, but for a child with sm it can be extremely difficult. The change in routine, new settings, unfamiliar faces asking questions, relatives wanting pictures, and increased expectation from unfamiliar family and friends can easily lead to meltdowns from them and you as a parent.  I've been there and it's not pretty.  You try to figure out how to best help your child, while fielding questions from family and friends who mean well but just don't get it. You get frustrated with relatives, yourself and even your child.  Here are some tips I have learned over time that have helped with holiday get togethers.

1.  Arrive early.  Allow for warm up time.  It will be easier for your child to get used to a new environment before the home fills with people and noise.  Talk with your host beforehand to make sure this is okay.  More often than not, when given notice, a host/hostess is more than happy to comply.

2.  Get your child involved without the need to speak.  Bringing a gift for the host/hostess?  Ask your child ahead of time to hand it to them when they arrive.  Have them pass things at the table or hand over some of the toys they bring to show others which brings me to tip 3.....

3.  Bring props!  Have your child bring a backpack full of some of their favorite toys. My son would never answer personal questions, but after having time to warm up, he would often answer questions about his favorite Thomas the Tank train or book.  The focus is on the prop and not them, therefore decreasing anxiety.

4. Be prepared with common questions. Your child is going to get asked them.  What's your name?  How old are you?  What grade are you in?  What do you want for Christmas? Whatever you can foresee, prepare them for it. Go over these questions with your child so that they are confident answering them.  If this is too much for them, help them by giving them a choice when asked.  Thomas, are you 3 or 4?  If this is too big of a challenge for your child at the time, make flash cards with the answers to show/handover to the person asking the question.  Make it a fun activity for them and have them decorate the cards.

5. Lower your expectations. Unfamiliar settings and people are bound to cause anxiety for the child with sm.   Relax and try not to get too upset about others misunderstandings regarding your child.  Unless you live it, you won't get fully get it.  Educate them the best you can, prepare your child, be there for them and oh have some fun!!!

Bathtub fingerpainting

Is your child unable to tolerate having messy hands?  Do they freak out the second an unpleasant texture touches their little fingers?  Mine too!  Both of my children had/have tactile defensiveness/hypersensitivity. My oldest who is now 6 has overcome this for the most part through OT and also better coping mechanisms as he grows, but my youngest who is now 3 is extremely resistant to things on his hands.  Forget messy art, painting hands, sticky or dirty play and fingerpainting.

I am always trying to figure out ways to expose my boys to messy sensory play without pushing them past their threshold.  It is a very fine line.  So when I stumbled upon some bathtub fingerpaint at the dollar section of Target the other day, I immediately thought this might be a great activity for bath time.  Now, normally I stay as far away from fingerpainting products as possible, as trying them in the past has been unpleasant to say the least.  Usually my youngest will immediately scream and wipe it off on whatever he sees first, his clothes, the wall, his hair.  When I saw the bathtub fingerpaint, I thought this has to have been thought up by an SPD mom.  I mean a child can put the messy texture on their hands and if they don't like it they can just stick their hand under the water to wash it off, plus it's soap too... Genius!

So I bought a tube and cautiously introduced it at bath time the other night.  To my surprise they were both very receptive to the idea of bath fingerpaint and were actually excited to try it.  My youngest let me squirt it on his hand and massage it into his hand a little before he washed it off.   Once his hand was clean, he asked for more and he started FINGERPAINTING on the bathtub wall.  What!?!?  I was so excited.  He would use one finger and sometimes his whole hand to swirl it around and paint the wall.  He'd wash his hand and ask for more.  We went through the entire tube during one bath time!

I think I will be trying some other sensory play activities in the bath tub from now on where my boys can feel more in control of getting the mess off their hands with a tub of water.  Have you ever had success with sensory play once you switched it to a new location?  I'd love to hear about it!