The power of books for children with anxiety

Spontaneity does not occur very often in our household.  Sure there are fun surprises here and there, but it is safe to say that we don't jump into new things quickly.  Raising two boys (3 and 6) with sensory sensitivities, with one of them overcoming selective mutism, requires lots of preparation on my part.  New situations and experiences are often very difficult for them.  I have found that preparing my boys ahead of time with discussions on where we are going, who will be there, if it will be loud, what will be expected of them, etc. is essential to preventing a meltdown/shutdown from occurring.

Granted, I know I cannot prepare them for every situation they will encounter, but talking it through and answering their questions helps my boys feel more secure.  One of the most powerful things I have relied on to help me build their confidence and validate their feelings are books.  We have read books to help my son with his selective mutism, sensory challenges, anxiety over the first day of school, visiting the dentist, playdates and the list goes on and on.  Stories play a vital role in the development and growth of a child.  As a mom and a professional with a masters in information science, (specialization in children's literature) I have seen time and time again the power of the right book in the right hands at the right time.  Books provide inspiration, promote curiosity, give children a sense of security, provide characters that they can relate to, and act as a catalyst for further discussion.

Our story of selective mutism and sensory difficulties are documented in this blog, but as I move forward, this blog will become less and less about my family and more about creating awareness and providing resources to help others dealing with sm, spd, and childhood anxiety in general.  Beginning next week, I will be using each Friday to highlight a book on my blog.  It may be related to selective mutism or sensory challenges.  It may be a book that focuses on building confidence in children, especially those with anxiety.  It may be a book for children or occasionally a nonfiction book for adults in this subject area; however the majority will focus on books for children and middle grades, as that is my specialization.  I will be giving my honest reviews, sharing why they did or didn't go over well with my children and then you can decide if it would be helpful to share with your family.

I would love to know what books you have used to help yourself, your child or grandchild through a difficult time with selective mutism, sensory challenges, not fitting in, anxiety, etc.  Please use the contact form to send me a message and I will give you a shout out if I use the book.  My hope is that we can get the right books in the right hands at the right time to build confidence in our children.

Is your son or daughter a highly sensitive child?

Why does my child seem so sensitive to the world around them?  Why do they struggle with transitions?  Why is he /she having meltdowns over the simplest things?  Have you ever asked yourself these same questions? 

When Thomas started his selective mutism treatment at the Smart Center in 2013, I had communicated to his doctor that in addition to his lack of speaking to people outside of the home, he was overwhelmed easily and emotionally intense.   He seemed extremely sensitive to several aspects of his daily life- light, touch, textures, playground equipment, amusement rides etc.   I described him as someone who ‘Didn’t go with the flow’ and seemed to be ‘Scared of everything.’   I also mentioned that everyone who met him always commented on how observant he was and those he was comfortable speaking to were amazed at his advanced vocabulary.  After our first session, Dr. E. recommended a few books for me to read including, The Highly Sensitive Child: Helping Our Children Thrive When The World Overwhelms Them by Elaine N. Aron, Ph.D.  Reading this book really changed my perspective on everything that my son was going through.   It answered all my questions and more.  I quickly realized my son was a highly sensitive child (HSC) and it was a game changer.

I had never heard the terms highly sensitive person (HSP) or child (HSC), but as I started reading Dr. Aron’s book, it was clear to me that my son was one.  The title isn’t meant to be negative, but rather used simply to describe how a HSP’s nervous system is more highly aware and reactive to stimuli than others. Learning about HSPs cleared up so many questions about why he acted and reacted the way he did.  So many of his sensory processing troubles and “difficult” behavior could be connected back to being highly sensitive.   It was a turning point for me in understanding what my son was experiencing and how I, in turn, interacted with him. 

In reading through this book, my husband and I not only learned more about our son, but also discovered that we ourselves were both HSPs too.  The interesting thing is that according to the author, Dr. Elaine Aron, 15 to 20% of the population is a HSP, but just like selective mutism, it isn’t well known or fully understood by the general population.  I felt like I was slowly fitting all these missing puzzle pieces together to make sense of all the puzzling (no pun intended) behavior my son was exhibiting over the first few years of his life.
 

I am reading this book for the third time now and it is hands down one of the best books I have read in terms of understanding how my son perceives and interacts with the world.  In a society that increasingly seems to be geared toward bigger and better, it can be easy for an HSC to feel out of place and outnumbered.  You can see it trickling down to our children earlier than ever before.  Children are overscheduled with after school activities, sports take up weekends and travel teams are becoming more and more the norm.  Birthday parties are no longer at homes, but at bounce houses and loud activity complexes and classrooms seem to be brighter and louder with SMART board technology and the focus on interactive group participation.  So how do you help your child in a world that overstimulates them?

This book has given my husband and I so many useful tools and strategies to help us make Thomas's environment less overwhelming and I plan to highlight some of these in future posts. Since embracing our son’s sensitivities we have watched him thrive.  We have learned from our missteps and are continuing to learn more about his sensory limits.  Sometimes I have to remind myself that new situations are hard for him and providing down time after a stimulating school day or social event is essential.  I need to remember that he feels things deeply and needs me to be extra patient with him through it all.  Most importantly we need to continue to be his advocate and recognize, appreciate and praise the amazing attributes he has as a HSC, including his compassion, creativity, observant behavior, and loving nature.  

If you/your child has selective mutism and also struggles with sensory processing, is highly emotional and easily overstimulated, I urge you to read this book.  Click the link in the first paragraph or the graphic below to learn more about this wonderful book.  Also check out these HSP tests from the author’s site to find out if you or your child may be highly sensitive.  http://hsperson.com/test/

10 Strategies to Help Your Child with Selective Mutism Transition into the New School Year