Every year in November, the children at Thomas's school start practicing for the holiday concert and every year it brings on a trememdous amount of anxiety for him. When he was three and at the height of his selective mutism, he refused to go on stage to practice and his fear of doing this concert created such bad separation anxiety at preschool, that we decided he would not be a part of the concert. Normally I am against puilling him out of things, as I feel he needs to learn how to work through his challenges, but at three we felt this was something he could try next year when we had a year of treatment under our belt. I was sad for him to be missing out on the experience, but it really was the best decision for him at the time.
When he was four, his new preschool was not involved in the holiday concert. Whew! We dodged a bullet that year. Then came kindergarten and the anxiety crept back up. He was now two years older and better able to manage his anxiety. He loved singing the songs at home, but told us that it was too scary to sing on stage. We made it clear that we were proud of him for being brave enough to try and go up on stage and if he didn't sing that was totally fine. He was able to go on stage in front of a large crowd, which was a huge step. He did not sing, or smile or move, but he did ring a jingle bell by his side slightly for one song. We made sure he knew how proud we were of him for trying his best. You could tell he was proud too and his confidence grew just from the experience of being brave enough to get up there.
This year in first grade, he was coming home singing the songs and telling us how excited he was about the concert. I was pleasantly surprised: although there have been many times that he was excited about something right up until the minute it was about to happen and then would shut down, so I didn't get my hopes up at all. The night of the concert, I had my video camera ready to tape a frozen child who wanted more than anything to sing and move, but his anxiety just wouldn't let him. When his class came on, I felt the familiar nervous feeling come over me, as it always does when my son is put in a situation that makes him uncomfortable. I always feel so sad for him, but also so proud of his bravery for trying. Well, tonight something completely unexpected happened. Thomas SANG and did the MOVEMENTS in front of about 100 parents, grandparents and kids. I could barely breathe. I thought I would faint. I could see it happening but could not believe it! I didn't even get to video tape it as I was in shock and bursting with pride for him. For years, I dreamt of this moment and it was here! I don't think anything can ever top the feeling I felt that night. When I saw him afterwards, I was a teary mess and couldn't stop telling him how proud I was. I received THE best Christmas gift I could ever ask for and it came 3 weeks early. I don't need anything else! Never give up!!!
Oh and someone was nice enough to send me a video of it. I cannot figure out how to get video on here, but I will post it when I do :) Truly amazing!
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