5 Ways to Care for Yourself while Caring for your Special Needs Child

"Don’t forget to take care of yourself!"  

You’ve probably heard this a hundred times when discussing your special needs child with others.  So much easier said than done, right?  When I was in the throws of therapy for my then 3 year old son’s selective mutism and taking care of an infant, I hated hearing this.  Where was I supposed to fit in this “me” time?  When I was not feeding, changing or playing with my sons, I was taking my oldest to preschool, grocery shopping, or attempting to clean up breakfast from seven hours ago.  When I had any sort of “me” time after my husband came home or the kids were in bed, I was voraciously reading and researching all I could about selective mutism.   As you can imagine, I burnt out quickly.  I was irritable all the time and knew something had to change. 

Parenting is no easy task, but being an advocate and caring for a special needs child is a whole other level of difficult.  I have learned over time though, cliché as it sounds, that making time for yourself truly does make you a better parent.  It took me a long time to subscribe to this, but with the push of my supportive husband, I started doing something for myself once a week.   I signed up for a Zumba class.  Of course I felt guilty and thought of everything I should be doing with that time, but I couldn’t deny that I loved it once I was finished.  I felt human again.  It was great.  Slowly, I added in a coffee at Panera every once in awhile and it grew from there.

I know you don’t feel like you have the time.  I know it is hard to schedule the time.  I know you could be doing a million other things on your to-do list instead, but I urge you to carve out at least 30 minutes for yourself and see how it feels.  I guarantee you won’t regret it.  Be mindful of your mood.  Are you feeling happy, guilty, stressed?  It may feel odd or selfish doing something for yourself at first, but self care is not selfish.  So go ahead and get that manicure and admire it as you hold your child’s hand through the difficulties they are facing. 

These are the top 5 things that really help me.  Try some of these or create your own list.

       1.  Get out of the house by yourself.  Go anywhere.  Just go!                                                    
Sometimes you just need to remove yourself from the demands of home and the children.  Go for a walk, try a new hobby, check out the mall, wander around Target.  Have you ever been there without kids?  It's magical! Grab a coffee, get ice cream, choose whatever it is you like to eat and enjoy it!
   

      2.  Join a support group, in person or online.  

      No one can understand what you are going through with your child, unless they have been through it.  It is so therapeutic to bounce ideas of others, vent, celebrate successes and be a support for people struggling with the same issues as you.  There is a facebook support group for everything now, so if you use fb, do a search and start there.

    

      3. Exercise.  

I know, I know.  I can see the eye roll now.   I have done the same on numerous occasions.  I completely understand how hard it is to get motivated to do it, but you can’t deny how great you feel afterwards.  It is a great way to reduce stress and stay healthy.  It doesn’t have to be at a gym.  Find a type of exercise you love and do that.

 4.       Schedule a date night with your spouse.  

It is so easy to take our partners for granted and forget that a relationship needs work.   Sure you might end up talking about the kids most of the time, but scheduling that one on one time is so important for connecting with each other.  It doesn’t have to be fancy.  You don’t even have to leave the house.   Have a late dinner together after the kids are in bed or set aside one night each week to watch your favorite show or a movie together. 

5.       Cultivate an attitude of gratitude.  

It is so easy to get caught up in the negative, but there is so much that each of us has to be thankful for.   Focus on being mindful and appreciating the good things in your day ….. the sun shining, a warm house, a snuggle with your child.